Frobozz's Journal

Be good to your introvert.

Your introvert isn't like you. He has a finite amount of emotional energy to spend on things like being with other people. He still has to spend these 'social calories' doing mundane things, like chatting, answering questions or just interacting.

Your introvert doesn't hate you. He just has a good sense of how much social energy he has left. He's been an introvert for all of his life and has learned what he can and can't handle. He's going to want to try to find space for himself when he feels his limits are getting close. That might mean he has to draw boundaries and force separations that you don't understand. He's sorry about that.

Your introvert will do his best to be social and if he's had a chance to recharge recently, he may really enjoy it. If he hasn't had a chance to recharge though, he may find being so very stressful. This is not him being a big baby. This is him fighting hard to not disappoint you while something inside him is screaming for mercy.

Your introvert totally gets that you don't understand how his brain functions. It's a source of endless frustration to him, but he tries to be understanding with people who seem to have endless amounts of social calories to spend. He also realises that he doesn't really understand how your brain functions either. He knows it isn't your fault that you think he's making a big deal over nothing when he says he needs some space. But please understand, no, he really does need that space. It's not an option for him to keep on being social. You need to think of your introvert like a can of coffee. Each social act he takes drains off a layer of ground coffee. When you reach the bottom of the coffee can, there's no more coffee left to give.

Your introvert probably really enjoys being social. Him being an introvert doesn't mean that he wants to be a hermit all day, every day.

Yes, your introvert gets emotional. He often gets emotional because he has an empty coffee can. He'll be just fine if you can let him recharge his batteries. He may act weird when he's emotional. That's because he may actually be panicking inside. Don't make your introvert panic. It's not good for him.

Your introvert is a person, just like you. Be good to him and he'll be good to you.

Yesterday at work was a bit crap, so I forgot to mention that I took a quick trip to the DMV. Now I haven't had a driver's license since leaving New Hampshire... so the quick recap of that is this. I had my Employment Authorization Document renewed months before I was going to leave my job at Brewster and move to California. Because the government doesn't believe in using things like 'registered mail' or 'precautions', my EAD got lost in the mail. Fortunately, the government has a great remedy for this. It's called 'pay us a few more hundred dollars and we'll eventually send you a replacement, if we don't suddenly come up with a reason to deny you this time'.

Now when you're on an EAD, you can only renew your driver's license up to the point when your EAD (or H1B or whatever you're on) is going to expire. In a dramatic twist that would have been better left to literature, my replacement EAD showed up the day before I was going to leave New Hampshire... far too late to renew my license in that state. I was at the very, very end of the previous EAD's lifespan (I was somewhat terrified that it would run out before the new one showed and let me continue to work here) and so my driver's license expired on my way to California. Once in California, everything was within walking (and later biking) distance, so I put off the annoyance of getting my license from scratch in my new state.

Well, I finally decided to bother. I went in to take my written test at the DMV and almost aced it (missed one question about Do Not Pass signs). So now I just need to take my driven test and I'll be licensed again. Getting closer and closer...

I'm pretty sure my post title is already being made into a Troma movie. Oh well.

We have a very bike friendly community here in Palo Alto/Stanford. I think our community might be a little bit too friendly to bikes, sometimes. So many of the cyclists here are absolutely terrible at biking! I'm constantly avoiding people who've run stop-signs (because they don't seem to believe that those apply to bikers); veering to avoid bikers who suddenly spring from out of a foliage-hidden pedestrian path; or doing a sudden stop to help out those poor souls who have decided to pass me... directly into oncoming traffic. Sigh. And don't get me started about cyclists who think that the sidewalk is a good place to bike...

Last week, I was reminded about just how bad our cyclists are. I was heading towards downtown Palo Alto, heading up Palm Drive (so named, you will be startled to learn, because of the palm trees lining it). For those who don't know this road, it has double-sized sidewalks on either side, divided half into bike lanes and half into pedestrian lanes. The bike lane is on the left side of the walk, the pedestrian lane on the right. The theory is that the bikers will flow with traffic on either side of Palm. In practice, cyclists assume that both lanes are theirs, with the the two lanes serving as alternate flows of traffic. The upshot of this is that when you're in the bike lane, you're dodging a lot of cyclists who're coming straight at you and you're doing it while trying not to run down the poor pedestrians who are caught in the ensuing crossfire. This is normal. This is what happens on a day that ends in 'y'. I've gotten very good at this little dance. But then, the world decided to throw me a curve-ball.

As I was cycling down Palm, I see a biker coming towards me. Typical, I thought. Just another student who's never looked at the lines painted on the ground. Then she veers into the middle of the walk. I figure that this means that she's spotted me and is making way (which would be a first!), so I maintain my course. She's going a bit slowly, so I feel confident that even if she's not getting out of my way, I can adapt.

Then she swerves back into my lane, aiming right for me. This gives me a moment's pause. This isn't really what I think she wants to happen. I'm pretty sure we both outgrew the game of Chicken at age eight. I get ready to move to the right side to let her get past me.

Which is when she swerves back into the middle of the walk. We're getting close now and I'm feeling a bit concerned about what she's doing. So I look up at the biker rather than the bike... oh crap. She's not looking at the road. She's instead looking down at her iPhone, scrolling through something. Music, I suspect, since she's wearing headphones that prevent her from hearing my first shout of 'stop!'.

I hit the brakes as fast as I can, just as she veers right back into my lane. There's no way I can get to the right without getting broadsided. I yell 'stop' again as I turn the bike so I'll have some nice, soft foliage to fall into. She hears that one, looks startled and then rams me, though at a more glancing angle than if I'd tried to break right. As I expected, the impact is hard enough that I topple over, but land in soft dirt rather than onto hard pavement.

That's a new one, fellow cyclists! Thank you for keeping me guessing!

The impact managed to jar my rear brake bracket so that it was stuck against the back tire. I spent a little while bending the metal until I got it back to its old position. I was able to ride (and brake!) after that, though I'm going to be taking my brand new bike in to the shop to get it looked at. Sigh.

I did manage to get the rear basket mount attached to the new bike. Turns out the bike has this quick release skewer through the back wheel and that was half of what I needed to secure the stays. I had to bend the upper stays so they wouldn't get into my rear brakes and prevent them from... you know... working; but once I figured out the geometry I needed, it was pretty simple to get it all together.

So tomorrow... I ride!

I got some news I've been waiting years for! MY RESIDENCY CARD HAS ARRIVED!

Insert picture of me dancing here.

I get to go see my family and Canada this Christmas. Finally.